As I post this plug for Isagenix International's product, "Cleanse for Life" I must say, in regards to the previous post that I made on this site--if there ever was anything causing my psychosis such as toxoplasmosis, Cleanse for Life has knocked it right out of me for good, it seems.
There are many possible causes for schizophrenia and other mental illness issues, and I am not suggesting that the Isagenix products will work in all cases. However, it certainly has made a HUGE difference for me in my daily life. It is like night and day, that I haven't experienced ANY psychotic symptoms, much less any other types of symptoms, since I have been taking "cleanse for life."
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
I have posted articles on here before, but this one is by far the best
This article is in reference to potential causes of schizophrenia and published by E Fuller Torrey, one of the most trusted researchers in his field.
Schizophr Bull. 2007 May; 33(3): 727–728.
Published online 2007 April 9. doi: 10.1093/schbul/sbm026.
PMCID: PMC2526129
Copyright © The Author 2007. Published by Oxford University Press on behalf of the Maryland Psychiatric Research Center. All rights reserved. For permissions, please email: journals.permissions@oxfordjournals.org.
Editors' Introduction: Schizophrenia and Toxoplasmosis
E. Fuller Torrey1,2 and Robert H. Yolken3
2The Stanley Medical Research Institute, Chevy Chase, MD
3Stanley Laboratory of Developmental Neurovirology, Johns Hopkins University Medical Center, Baltimore, MD
1To whom correspondence should be addressed; tel: 301-571-2078, fax: 301-501-0775, e-mail: torreyf@stanleyresearch.org
This article has been cited by other articles in PMC.
Other Sections▼
This issue of Schizophrenia Bulletin includes articles on a possible infectious cause of schizophrenia. This approach follows a lead suggested by Emil Kraepelin and Eugen Bleuler a century ago. In the 1896 edition of his textbook, Kraepelin speculated that dementia praecox might be caused by a focal infection of bodily organs that then affected the brain as an autointoxication.1 Fifteen years later, Bleuler, in his Dementia Praecox, or The Group of Schizophrenias, suggested that “the connection of the disease to infectious processes equally needs further study … many writers assume that schizophrenia is caused by some physical weakness or possibly even by some infectious disease.”2
Toxoplasma gondii has emerged as an interesting candidate as a possible cause of some cases of schizophrenia. Past infectious research on schizophrenia has focused almost exclusively on bacteria and viruses, but T. gondii is a protozoa. Other protozoa known to chronically infect human brain tissue and cause behavioral changes include Plasmodium (malaria) and Trypanosoma (sleeping sickness).
The meta-analysis by Torrey et al provides an overview of studies of T. gondii antibodies in individuals with schizophrenia.3 The number of such studies that have been carried out surprised even the authors; even as this article was going to press, we became aware of additional studies, such as the one by Yazar et al that accompanies this special section.4 Since most of the studies have been published in languages other than English, they provide a sobering reminder of the limitations of MEDLINE and other search engines. The odds ratio of 2.73, although modest, exceeds that for most genetic studies and suggests that T. gondii may play some etiological role in a large number of cases. The fact that the studies were done in many geographical areas suggests that T. gondii may be associated with the disease worldwide.
Dickerson et al provide additional information on one of the cohorts included in the meta-analysis.5 The individuals with schizophrenia who have antibodies against T. gondii were more likely to be female but otherwise did not differ clinically on the Positive and Negative Syndrome Scale or cognitively on repeatable battery for the assessment of neuropsychological status from those who do not have antibodies, suggesting that cases associated with T. gondii do not form a clinical or cognitive subgroup. Of note, however, is the significantly increased mortality associated with seropositive antibody status. If this study can be replicated, it will be an important milestone in helping explain the 20% increase in premature mortality among individuals with schizophrenia.
T. gondii has a known pernicious effect on the developing fetal central nervous system (CNS) when it infects women early in pregnancy; that is why pregnant women are advised to not change the cat litter. Possible delayed CNS effects of T. gondii infection later in pregnancy have been the subject of much speculation but with no definitive resolution of this issue.6,7 In this regard, the review of two studies by Mortensen et al is of special interest.8 One study showed that mothers having antibodies to T. gondii late in pregnancy, even though the infection was not necessarily recent, had an increased risk of giving birth to offspring who later were diagnosed with a schizophrenia spectrum disorder. The other study revealed that newborns who have antibodies to T. gondii have an increased risk of later being diagnosed with schizophrenia. A much larger replication of this latter study is in progress.
Carruthers and Suzuki contribute an elegant summary of T. gondii's life cycle and its ability to cause a chronic, latent infection in both neurons and glia.9 The outcome of such infections is determined by a variety of factors, including host genes and cytokine production. Of special interest are differences in T. gondii strains as well as the route of initial infection. Both these factors may contribute to the differences in levels of antibody observed by Hinze-Selch et al in the accompanying article in her large study of T. gondii in individuals with schizophrenia and major depression.10
The ability of T. gondii to alter rodent behavior has received considerable publicity. Much of this work has been carried out by Joanne Webster, who clearly summarizes it.11 Webster describes how the T. gondii infection causes a rat to lose its innate avoidance of cats, thus increasing the chances that the rat will be eaten by a cat, thereby enabling the T. gondii to complete its life cycle. Noteworthy was Webster's experiment showing that haloperidol apparently suppressed the T. gondii and reversed its effect on the rat.
Finally, Jaroslav Flegr summarizes his pioneering research demonstrating the effects of T. gondii on the personality and behavior of university students and military recruits.12 Such studies need to be replicated but are of great interest. Humans are reluctant to acknowledge the possibility that our behavior may be manipulated by infectious organisms; anyone who doubts that it is possible will no longer doubt, if they read Carl Zimmer's fascinating Parasite Rex13
Where do we go from here with this research? The facts that T. gondii is neurotrophic, affects neurotransmitters, is apparently suppressed by some antipsychotic drugs, and has predisposing genes make an etiological link between toxoplasmosis and schizophrenia inherently plausible. A major limitation of such a hypothesis is that it has been difficult to detect Toxoplasma organisms in the brains of individuals with schizophrenia. However, it is of note that Toxoplasma organisms can persist in very small numbers in the brains of immune competent individuals. It is also unclear why most individuals with Toxoplasma do not develop schizophrenia. Variables in terms of disease expression are likely to include the timing of infection, the strain of the infecting organism, and the genetic makeup of the infected individual.
If a causal relationship is to be established between toxoplasmosis and schizophrenia, it will most likely be established by treatment trials, specifically by demonstrating that medications that suppress T. gondii infections produce an improvement in the clinical symptoms of schizophrenia. This is the way in which the Helicobacter pylori bacteria was ultimately proven to cause gastric ulcers. Multiple treatment trials are in progress, and others are planned using various antitoxoplasmosis drugs as adjunct medication to treat individuals with schizophrenia. Combined with ongoing research on the neuropathology and strain differences in T. gondii, such research should help illuminate the validity of this approach to schizophrenia. And if a causal relationship can be established, it will open the door to new treatment approaches as well as to the ultimate possibility of prevention through vaccines.
Schizophr Bull. 2007 May; 33(3): 727–728.
Published online 2007 April 9. doi: 10.1093/schbul/sbm026.
PMCID: PMC2526129
Copyright © The Author 2007. Published by Oxford University Press on behalf of the Maryland Psychiatric Research Center. All rights reserved. For permissions, please email: journals.permissions@oxfordjournals.org.
Editors' Introduction: Schizophrenia and Toxoplasmosis
E. Fuller Torrey1,2 and Robert H. Yolken3
2The Stanley Medical Research Institute, Chevy Chase, MD
3Stanley Laboratory of Developmental Neurovirology, Johns Hopkins University Medical Center, Baltimore, MD
1To whom correspondence should be addressed; tel: 301-571-2078, fax: 301-501-0775, e-mail: torreyf@stanleyresearch.org
This article has been cited by other articles in PMC.
Other Sections▼
This issue of Schizophrenia Bulletin includes articles on a possible infectious cause of schizophrenia. This approach follows a lead suggested by Emil Kraepelin and Eugen Bleuler a century ago. In the 1896 edition of his textbook, Kraepelin speculated that dementia praecox might be caused by a focal infection of bodily organs that then affected the brain as an autointoxication.1 Fifteen years later, Bleuler, in his Dementia Praecox, or The Group of Schizophrenias, suggested that “the connection of the disease to infectious processes equally needs further study … many writers assume that schizophrenia is caused by some physical weakness or possibly even by some infectious disease.”2
Toxoplasma gondii has emerged as an interesting candidate as a possible cause of some cases of schizophrenia. Past infectious research on schizophrenia has focused almost exclusively on bacteria and viruses, but T. gondii is a protozoa. Other protozoa known to chronically infect human brain tissue and cause behavioral changes include Plasmodium (malaria) and Trypanosoma (sleeping sickness).
The meta-analysis by Torrey et al provides an overview of studies of T. gondii antibodies in individuals with schizophrenia.3 The number of such studies that have been carried out surprised even the authors; even as this article was going to press, we became aware of additional studies, such as the one by Yazar et al that accompanies this special section.4 Since most of the studies have been published in languages other than English, they provide a sobering reminder of the limitations of MEDLINE and other search engines. The odds ratio of 2.73, although modest, exceeds that for most genetic studies and suggests that T. gondii may play some etiological role in a large number of cases. The fact that the studies were done in many geographical areas suggests that T. gondii may be associated with the disease worldwide.
Dickerson et al provide additional information on one of the cohorts included in the meta-analysis.5 The individuals with schizophrenia who have antibodies against T. gondii were more likely to be female but otherwise did not differ clinically on the Positive and Negative Syndrome Scale or cognitively on repeatable battery for the assessment of neuropsychological status from those who do not have antibodies, suggesting that cases associated with T. gondii do not form a clinical or cognitive subgroup. Of note, however, is the significantly increased mortality associated with seropositive antibody status. If this study can be replicated, it will be an important milestone in helping explain the 20% increase in premature mortality among individuals with schizophrenia.
T. gondii has a known pernicious effect on the developing fetal central nervous system (CNS) when it infects women early in pregnancy; that is why pregnant women are advised to not change the cat litter. Possible delayed CNS effects of T. gondii infection later in pregnancy have been the subject of much speculation but with no definitive resolution of this issue.6,7 In this regard, the review of two studies by Mortensen et al is of special interest.8 One study showed that mothers having antibodies to T. gondii late in pregnancy, even though the infection was not necessarily recent, had an increased risk of giving birth to offspring who later were diagnosed with a schizophrenia spectrum disorder. The other study revealed that newborns who have antibodies to T. gondii have an increased risk of later being diagnosed with schizophrenia. A much larger replication of this latter study is in progress.
Carruthers and Suzuki contribute an elegant summary of T. gondii's life cycle and its ability to cause a chronic, latent infection in both neurons and glia.9 The outcome of such infections is determined by a variety of factors, including host genes and cytokine production. Of special interest are differences in T. gondii strains as well as the route of initial infection. Both these factors may contribute to the differences in levels of antibody observed by Hinze-Selch et al in the accompanying article in her large study of T. gondii in individuals with schizophrenia and major depression.10
The ability of T. gondii to alter rodent behavior has received considerable publicity. Much of this work has been carried out by Joanne Webster, who clearly summarizes it.11 Webster describes how the T. gondii infection causes a rat to lose its innate avoidance of cats, thus increasing the chances that the rat will be eaten by a cat, thereby enabling the T. gondii to complete its life cycle. Noteworthy was Webster's experiment showing that haloperidol apparently suppressed the T. gondii and reversed its effect on the rat.
Finally, Jaroslav Flegr summarizes his pioneering research demonstrating the effects of T. gondii on the personality and behavior of university students and military recruits.12 Such studies need to be replicated but are of great interest. Humans are reluctant to acknowledge the possibility that our behavior may be manipulated by infectious organisms; anyone who doubts that it is possible will no longer doubt, if they read Carl Zimmer's fascinating Parasite Rex13
Where do we go from here with this research? The facts that T. gondii is neurotrophic, affects neurotransmitters, is apparently suppressed by some antipsychotic drugs, and has predisposing genes make an etiological link between toxoplasmosis and schizophrenia inherently plausible. A major limitation of such a hypothesis is that it has been difficult to detect Toxoplasma organisms in the brains of individuals with schizophrenia. However, it is of note that Toxoplasma organisms can persist in very small numbers in the brains of immune competent individuals. It is also unclear why most individuals with Toxoplasma do not develop schizophrenia. Variables in terms of disease expression are likely to include the timing of infection, the strain of the infecting organism, and the genetic makeup of the infected individual.
If a causal relationship is to be established between toxoplasmosis and schizophrenia, it will most likely be established by treatment trials, specifically by demonstrating that medications that suppress T. gondii infections produce an improvement in the clinical symptoms of schizophrenia. This is the way in which the Helicobacter pylori bacteria was ultimately proven to cause gastric ulcers. Multiple treatment trials are in progress, and others are planned using various antitoxoplasmosis drugs as adjunct medication to treat individuals with schizophrenia. Combined with ongoing research on the neuropathology and strain differences in T. gondii, such research should help illuminate the validity of this approach to schizophrenia. And if a causal relationship can be established, it will open the door to new treatment approaches as well as to the ultimate possibility of prevention through vaccines.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The right mix of medications
As a person with mental illness, it is important to find the right medication mix and dosages for YOU. The correct treatment plan can only be come up with between you and your doctor and needs to work for you as the patient.
Along with the correct medication, you need to get your sleep, stay away from drugs and alchohol and bad media should be avoided as well.
Looking forward to a healthy and happy holiday season this year as my wife and I expect our second baby boy into our family. Tyler will have a little brother!
Along with the correct medication, you need to get your sleep, stay away from drugs and alchohol and bad media should be avoided as well.
Looking forward to a healthy and happy holiday season this year as my wife and I expect our second baby boy into our family. Tyler will have a little brother!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
More from my book
Chapter 7
As we wove our way through Meringen in the crowd of Swiss locals, I began to notice that we, the American tourists, were something that the Swiss were rather used to. We were, after all, the loudest, most rowdy and gaudy bunch on the streets that morning. Everyone else, however were more subdued, traveling in smaller groups, some couples at the local cafe drinking coffee. They, however, did not condemn our loud and often offensive demeanor. They must have realized that we were a necessary evil in their land, the American tourist who buy their watches and chocolate in great numbers in order to bring them home to our families. Yes, this much quieter French/German mixed culture in Meringen, Switzerland was a grateful group(for our money, but not for our customs).
Soon, Sean was chatting it up with Ginger and myself as if we were all old friends. It had been only two short days since we had met, although we all shared a common experience now, however short-lived it was. The cobblestone street felt uneven from years of wear as I briefly noticed a charming chocolatier shoppe and checked out the delicacy through the window from afar. Then, and just then, it occurred to me, that I wouldn't have an experience quite like this in my life for many years hence.
Short, and roughly paved sidewalks were tracing the outlines of the stony middle portion of road in between. When you looked up, you could only be in awe of the stunning view of snow capped mountains disappearing into the clouds high above where we stood. From a bird's eye view, the architecture stunned me, but now the trip down the ski-lift had revealed a much more rustic look with architectural intricacies imbedded in much of the buildings' weathered charm.
Surrounding the village were plenty of ruffage, shrubbery and neglected (by the rain and climate) blooming flowers. Since this region was so mountainous and the valleys were starved of rain during the summer, smokers like me where on notice that we were to dispose of our cigarette butts safely at all times to avoid the imminent risk of wild fire. Indeed, the wind played a factor in this too, as the gusts would spread and fan even a tiny smolder into something of a disaster in a hurry.
Hurrying wasn't something that we were doing while ambling through the streets of the Swiss Village. We wanted to enjoy every minute and photo opportunity in this picturesque place.
This was the most walking I had done in a while. Although I was in shape, the uneven footing on these village streets were taking it right out of me.
"This is my first time to the Alps," I managed, smiling through the pain.
"Mine too," Ginger replied in her southern drawl.
"You're dressed for this much walking in the summer," then to Shawn, "You and I look like we are hitting the ski slopes."
"Yeah," Shawn was panting, worse off than me with a noticeable spare tire around his mid-section. He was aged beyond his years, or so the eye would perceive. When he spoke, he sounded like a little boy, however, and his intelligent glasses angled and fit with his youthful smile. His hair, a mess of dark brown mish- mosh atop his head was gleaming with beads of sweat in the hot summer sun.
Ginger, on the other hand, was a charming mix of southern bell with all the fix ins and striking dimple-faced beauty. Her short stature was offset while we were walking by her long, generous stride. As if to say, look how smart I am, Ginger kept her Georgetown University tee shirt on with pride.
We strolled into many a shoppe and kiosk with American guile, while we pointed our fingers at the local fare and made off-colored comments. Shawn feigned expertise with the local customs and crafts while Ginger played off the southern inexperienced part well. Me, on the other hand, just gawked at the intricate glass-blown crafts and delectable chocolates at the same time enjoying the company of these two.
"Check this out," flew out of Ginger's mouth from somewhere behind me.
I whirled and set my vision on the Swiss-woven purse that she was already sporting on her shoulder stylishly.
"Very nice," Shawn replied before I could muster a response.
"Yeah, it looks cute on you," I added. "How much?"
"It's a steal at 15 Franks," said Ginger. "I was thinking about getting it for my sister, but I may have to keep it for myself," she added playfully.
Our time in the village was winding down as the sun had found its place behind one of the tall mountains that surrounded us. We boarded the ski lift for the ride back up to the hotel on the ridge.
There was more rehearsing to do tomorrow and for the rest of the two weeks that we were to spend with the sensational Swiss.
As the darkness fell over the rocky landscape, my eyes were heavy from the day and I drifted off to sleep. I could almost see the thick clouds rolling over the mountain range coming closer and closer as it swallowed me in dense immobility.
Chapter 8
As dawn broke, I rolled over to see my room mate, named Leatus, still deep in slumber. Leatus Reed was from Tennessee and had long dark hair, which was currently drowning his face and pillow in it's thick guise. He was fairly slender, with a few ill-placed tattoos and both ears pierced. His face was round with striking blue eyes and a nose that constituted the rest of his persona, which was currently lost in a mess of dark, straight mane.
"Get up, lazybones." I mumbled, too softly to wake Leatus Reed in his current state of REM sleep. I wanted to yank on his past-his-shoulders brunette hair, but it was just a thought that never made it to an action.
"Yo, Leat-man!" I hollered, this time too loudly. My voice carried too well, I had been told, and probably pierced through the walls and doors all the way down to Steven Kimbrough's room.
"Ugh, what's the hurry?" he mumbled in reply.
"Breakfast is in 10 minutes and then we got rehearsal for an hour and a half."
"So what's your hurry? We've got another ten minutes to catch a few winks," he added.
As the native from Tennessee spoke and made his half-awake protest, I knew that this was more than a comment, it was a lifestyle. Harking to the rest of our trip, when we rode the mighty roller coaster of life, love, sex and rock and roll-- Thats what life was all about to us in this time and place. Oh, and there was religion and the gift of song, but we knew that came naturally to us and that rehearsal was just a formality.
As we wove our way through Meringen in the crowd of Swiss locals, I began to notice that we, the American tourists, were something that the Swiss were rather used to. We were, after all, the loudest, most rowdy and gaudy bunch on the streets that morning. Everyone else, however were more subdued, traveling in smaller groups, some couples at the local cafe drinking coffee. They, however, did not condemn our loud and often offensive demeanor. They must have realized that we were a necessary evil in their land, the American tourist who buy their watches and chocolate in great numbers in order to bring them home to our families. Yes, this much quieter French/German mixed culture in Meringen, Switzerland was a grateful group(for our money, but not for our customs).
Soon, Sean was chatting it up with Ginger and myself as if we were all old friends. It had been only two short days since we had met, although we all shared a common experience now, however short-lived it was. The cobblestone street felt uneven from years of wear as I briefly noticed a charming chocolatier shoppe and checked out the delicacy through the window from afar. Then, and just then, it occurred to me, that I wouldn't have an experience quite like this in my life for many years hence.
Short, and roughly paved sidewalks were tracing the outlines of the stony middle portion of road in between. When you looked up, you could only be in awe of the stunning view of snow capped mountains disappearing into the clouds high above where we stood. From a bird's eye view, the architecture stunned me, but now the trip down the ski-lift had revealed a much more rustic look with architectural intricacies imbedded in much of the buildings' weathered charm.
Surrounding the village were plenty of ruffage, shrubbery and neglected (by the rain and climate) blooming flowers. Since this region was so mountainous and the valleys were starved of rain during the summer, smokers like me where on notice that we were to dispose of our cigarette butts safely at all times to avoid the imminent risk of wild fire. Indeed, the wind played a factor in this too, as the gusts would spread and fan even a tiny smolder into something of a disaster in a hurry.
Hurrying wasn't something that we were doing while ambling through the streets of the Swiss Village. We wanted to enjoy every minute and photo opportunity in this picturesque place.
This was the most walking I had done in a while. Although I was in shape, the uneven footing on these village streets were taking it right out of me.
"This is my first time to the Alps," I managed, smiling through the pain.
"Mine too," Ginger replied in her southern drawl.
"You're dressed for this much walking in the summer," then to Shawn, "You and I look like we are hitting the ski slopes."
"Yeah," Shawn was panting, worse off than me with a noticeable spare tire around his mid-section. He was aged beyond his years, or so the eye would perceive. When he spoke, he sounded like a little boy, however, and his intelligent glasses angled and fit with his youthful smile. His hair, a mess of dark brown mish- mosh atop his head was gleaming with beads of sweat in the hot summer sun.
Ginger, on the other hand, was a charming mix of southern bell with all the fix ins and striking dimple-faced beauty. Her short stature was offset while we were walking by her long, generous stride. As if to say, look how smart I am, Ginger kept her Georgetown University tee shirt on with pride.
We strolled into many a shoppe and kiosk with American guile, while we pointed our fingers at the local fare and made off-colored comments. Shawn feigned expertise with the local customs and crafts while Ginger played off the southern inexperienced part well. Me, on the other hand, just gawked at the intricate glass-blown crafts and delectable chocolates at the same time enjoying the company of these two.
"Check this out," flew out of Ginger's mouth from somewhere behind me.
I whirled and set my vision on the Swiss-woven purse that she was already sporting on her shoulder stylishly.
"Very nice," Shawn replied before I could muster a response.
"Yeah, it looks cute on you," I added. "How much?"
"It's a steal at 15 Franks," said Ginger. "I was thinking about getting it for my sister, but I may have to keep it for myself," she added playfully.
Our time in the village was winding down as the sun had found its place behind one of the tall mountains that surrounded us. We boarded the ski lift for the ride back up to the hotel on the ridge.
There was more rehearsing to do tomorrow and for the rest of the two weeks that we were to spend with the sensational Swiss.
As the darkness fell over the rocky landscape, my eyes were heavy from the day and I drifted off to sleep. I could almost see the thick clouds rolling over the mountain range coming closer and closer as it swallowed me in dense immobility.
Chapter 8
As dawn broke, I rolled over to see my room mate, named Leatus, still deep in slumber. Leatus Reed was from Tennessee and had long dark hair, which was currently drowning his face and pillow in it's thick guise. He was fairly slender, with a few ill-placed tattoos and both ears pierced. His face was round with striking blue eyes and a nose that constituted the rest of his persona, which was currently lost in a mess of dark, straight mane.
"Get up, lazybones." I mumbled, too softly to wake Leatus Reed in his current state of REM sleep. I wanted to yank on his past-his-shoulders brunette hair, but it was just a thought that never made it to an action.
"Yo, Leat-man!" I hollered, this time too loudly. My voice carried too well, I had been told, and probably pierced through the walls and doors all the way down to Steven Kimbrough's room.
"Ugh, what's the hurry?" he mumbled in reply.
"Breakfast is in 10 minutes and then we got rehearsal for an hour and a half."
"So what's your hurry? We've got another ten minutes to catch a few winks," he added.
As the native from Tennessee spoke and made his half-awake protest, I knew that this was more than a comment, it was a lifestyle. Harking to the rest of our trip, when we rode the mighty roller coaster of life, love, sex and rock and roll-- Thats what life was all about to us in this time and place. Oh, and there was religion and the gift of song, but we knew that came naturally to us and that rehearsal was just a formality.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Excerpt from book
Excerpt from what I have been working on tonight:
That night is so vivid in my mind, even though it happened some twenty nine years ago. Tonight I can remember it like it happened yesterday.
My mom and dad traveled a whole lot with me—so much so that I hardly knew when it was time to sleep or time to be up, since I was so young. After all, it was told to me that I was around the world twice before I was eighteen months old.
All alone in that crib, like a jail cell in the pitch black, there I was. Well, it wasn’t exactly pitch black, because there was a tiny red LED light on, but pretty darn close to inky blackness. For some reason, I was scared, by what, I don’t to this day know. But I started crying, the young two-year old that I was, and kept crying—as if summoning the devil himself. My parents probably wanted like the dickens for me to “self-sooth,” you know, just cry myself to sleep and put myself out. For they, too must have been exhausted.
As I wailed in the darkness of my room, the demons edged yet closer. There they were, just at the other side of the room in the closet, which I knew was there, but could not make out in the deep darkness that surrounded me.
I will never forget that, what seems like an eternity of never-ending torture was probably only a few minutes, yet like a scene from a horror movie, all the makings of the suspense and cliff hangers were there, in my mind.
Although one of my earliest memories, we are all a sum of our experiences that mar our perceptions, jading us for the rest of our victories and downfalls later.
That night is so vivid in my mind, even though it happened some twenty nine years ago. Tonight I can remember it like it happened yesterday.
My mom and dad traveled a whole lot with me—so much so that I hardly knew when it was time to sleep or time to be up, since I was so young. After all, it was told to me that I was around the world twice before I was eighteen months old.
All alone in that crib, like a jail cell in the pitch black, there I was. Well, it wasn’t exactly pitch black, because there was a tiny red LED light on, but pretty darn close to inky blackness. For some reason, I was scared, by what, I don’t to this day know. But I started crying, the young two-year old that I was, and kept crying—as if summoning the devil himself. My parents probably wanted like the dickens for me to “self-sooth,” you know, just cry myself to sleep and put myself out. For they, too must have been exhausted.
As I wailed in the darkness of my room, the demons edged yet closer. There they were, just at the other side of the room in the closet, which I knew was there, but could not make out in the deep darkness that surrounded me.
I will never forget that, what seems like an eternity of never-ending torture was probably only a few minutes, yet like a scene from a horror movie, all the makings of the suspense and cliff hangers were there, in my mind.
Although one of my earliest memories, we are all a sum of our experiences that mar our perceptions, jading us for the rest of our victories and downfalls later.
AstraZeneca settles Seroquel claims for $198 mln - MarketWatch
AstraZeneca settles Seroquel claims for $198 mln - MarketWatch
This article particularly hits home, since I am a long time user of this medication for my symptoms of psychosis due to schizoaffective disorder. Be warned, drugs aren't always the answer.
This article particularly hits home, since I am a long time user of this medication for my symptoms of psychosis due to schizoaffective disorder. Be warned, drugs aren't always the answer.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Diagnosis Change
I think that my previous PDoc had this part correct from the start, schizoaffective disorder was my diagnosis then, and still is, according to Doctor Malhotra. Since this summer, I have felt extreme highs and lows with no symptoms of Paranoia, psychosis, delusions or hallucinations this summer. The summer is always the worst time for me and maybe it's time to do something about it.
It has been suggested by my mom that I may have a seasonal affective portion of the disorder in which there is a lag time of not having enough light, and my disorder, therefore, manifests itself later in the summer. Then, having stored up all the extra sunlight, I have a great winter, and then, being so deprived of the sun again during the winter months, I then go back to having my negative AND positive symptoms again in the Spring and Summer.
Who knows?
It has been suggested by my mom that I may have a seasonal affective portion of the disorder in which there is a lag time of not having enough light, and my disorder, therefore, manifests itself later in the summer. Then, having stored up all the extra sunlight, I have a great winter, and then, being so deprived of the sun again during the winter months, I then go back to having my negative AND positive symptoms again in the Spring and Summer.
Who knows?
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