More Stress at Work, But I'm Handling it Pretty Well

So I think that I mentioned that my bank is going through a merger at the moment. Well, some view this as a good thing, more growth potential. I'm having some mixed emotions. We are moving toward seven-day-a-week banking which means that I will undoubtedly work some weekends and when I am not working, I will be on call. On a positive note, our branch is going to get a much needed face-lift, with renovations and new amenities.

I have worked for the bank that we are merging with too, which makes it all the much more strange. Actually, I met my wife, who was then my girlfriend at this bank. I always knew from very early on that this was the woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That was six and a half years ago and now we have been married for just over two years. While I am very happy with my personal life, my professional life may take on a new leaf soon--including more stress at work. I have been with my bank for three years now--longer than any other company that I have previously been employed at. On one hand, I want to buy in to all of the great things that the executives have to say about the merger and where our company is headed, and on the other hand, something is telling me to get out while you still can.

Life is full of decisions. We all have to make easy and some difficult decisions on a daily basis. Such is life.

Work and Total Loss of Everything Real!!!!

So I am at work at the bank yesterday, and I am feeling more than just a little bit strange. When I say strange, I am having some truly upsetting thoughts. It is 3:40pm and I have to work until 6pm.

Oh well, I think to myself, at least I am not feeling psychotic or paranoid at the moment. Then a few customers came in and I helped them with their banking needs. After they left I almost immediately started feeling overstimulated. Feeling like all the silly little stimuli that are coming at you at one specific moment in time are all important and have special meanings. It is kind of like your natural filter of thoughts about what is around you is broken temporarily. Well, it is about 5:45pm now and I am getting worse by the minute. I am completely helpless to the situation as well as there is no medication available to me at that time as well as no place to lie down.

As expected, I made it until 6pm last evening but just barely! Then the drive home. Not such a good time either. Finally, I made it home after calling my mother and my wife to explain to them what was going on. As soon as I walked into the door at home, I sighed a sigh of relief....now, I thought, I can take my medicine and sleep for a while. By 7:30pm, I was sleeping and when I awoke around 9pm, I was feeling much better. Thank goodness for medication, support system and sleep!

To My Family and Friends

I wanted to take this time to acknowledge my family and friends who have helped me through all the tough times and made my good times great. I couldn't have done it without you and I feel that it is important for anyone to have a support system.

For the most part, I have been feeling really well lately and have not had a symptom in at least four weeks. I attribute most of my success to keeping this blog and sticking to my medication schedule. Also, my sleep has been more restful as the effects of the medication lesson on the drowsy side.

In addition, I have lost ten pounds in the past few months since I have been eating healthy, been taking less medication (under the care of the doctor) and have been increasing how much walking I do after work.

So all in all, life is good!

Return to Normalcy

As my son sleeps, and my wife is at work until late tonight, I am reminded that my life has returned to a normal state lately. I am pleased to have been feeling good lately and am happy to put my psychosis and paranoia behind me--if only for a bit.

My brother is getting married to a wonderful girl in one short year and my sister is going steady with a really nice man. Inlaws usually are hard to get along with but I enjoy my inlaw's company, which also says something about the quality of our families.

If there are any people reading this having a great time right now, or if you are going through an especially tough patch, please feel free to leave your comments on the bottom of this post. I would love to hear from you!

Sleepiness and Sleeplessness

Well, on Monday, I was feeling manic and generally just in a "jazzed up mood" all day. When I took my nightly anti-psychotics, they did not take the edge off of the mania. Not being able to sleep, normally, would make me feel tired the next day, but when you are entrenched in the affective portion of the disorder, you don't miss the sleep much.

I was up until 1:30am on Tuesday morning and then later that morning at around 6:30am, I was up and ready to go. As I said previously, I did not miss the sleep. However, come Tuesday night around 8pm, I decided to head my continuing mania off at the pass. I took my medication an hour early and fell asleep around 9:15pm. Thank goodness!

Keeping a log of your thoughts and emotions is key to your successful treatment by a psychiatrist. An expensive log book is not necessary. Just pick up a spiral notebook or three ring binder to log in your experiences. That way, you can express your concerns to your treatment team in an accurate and concise manner.

The mentally ill and dreams

For those of you who are stricken by a mental illness, you know that dreams can be very real, and have an astounding effect on your psyche.

Last night, I had a nightmare. It involved zombies and mind control and was very vivid with bright colors and damaging images. Well, needless to say, it affected my whole day today. I have been in a sour mood all day with a headache (probably from being awakened for an hour at 4am) and also been in a dark cloud all day. If you happen upon this blog and have had a similar experience to mine, please feel free to comment.

My advice to someone with mental illness in regards to nightmares and their lasting affect on the mind, is that dreams are a sequence of memories and a bit of creativity that the mind puts together in a sequence. Therefore, since there is a memory component, stay away from damaging or upsetting stimuli such as scary movies, thrilling books and/or amusement park hauted houses and the like.

For example, I recently took a vacation and on that vacation I went into not one, but two haunted houses. Now, for someone perfectly normal with an active imagination, this can be damaging. For someone with schizophrenia, like me, it can ruin a whole day from a bad dream. And dreams aren't the only reason to stay away from these stimuli described above. Since people with mental illness generally have unreal fears that the general public would find odd, these images stay with you and causes greater paranoia and depression.

Which part is the disease, which is normal?

As I spend the past few days between work and home life, I have come to recognize that I have been feeling manic and disorganized. Although some of these minor symptoms are part and parcel of the schizophrenia, some are just part of the human experience. Sometimes we think, well, I am feeling down today, and automatically think that since we have depression, it must be part of that disease.

The reason that I don't think that we should jump to conclusions, or self-diagnose too much, is that, on a regular day, someone without any chemical imbalance or chronic illness can feel minor symptoms of mania, depression or psychosis. By saying this, I do not mean to downplay any one's issues with their chronic illness at hand. If you simply cannot function because of these symptoms, it is a problem and you must seek medical attention from a psychiatrist as soon as possible. I have had these debilitating symptoms, from time to time, and have dealt with them with my psychiatrist and on a personal level with medication and the help of my support system.

However, if you are experiencing mild anxiety, or mania, for instance, try to remove some of the stressors from your life before turning to medication or professional help. If you cannot do it alone, seek help. There are many places out there to see someone for just about anything that you are experiencing.

Degenerative Disease?

For many, the question of whether schizophrenia is a degenerative disease is something of a hot topic. There is much heated debate these days in regards to this question.

The answer is not clear and universal to all patients with the disease. Of a few points, we can say for sure, the others, you will have to ask your psychiatrist to get their opinion.

Schizophrenia is, indeed, a disease of the brain--just as Alzheimer's or Parkinson's diseases are diseases of the brain. There is some evidence of brain damage for certain people with schizophrenia, however, for the patient that is compliant with their medication and does not abuse street drugs or alchohol as well, there is very little evidence of long-term brain damage.

Attached are side-by-side brain scan images of someone with a "normal" brain and another with schizophrenia. There are visual defects noticed with those with the disease.

I consider myself very lucky

Lucky is such a sticky term. To some, it may mean that they won the lottery, or landed an attractive girl friend. To me, it rings true that I am lucky to have a great support system in not only my family, but my inlaws as well. In addition to that, I am lucky to be able to work full time, while also being a proud father to my 22 month old son, and a good husband to my wife.

Why don't I just take these things for granted like so many other people in this country? Because, I have schizophrenia. And even if I did not have the debilitating disease, I would still stop and make sure that the people who are important in my life are recognized as such. This is what is important to me. How about in your life?

To Tell or Not to Tell, that is the question!

So, if you do have a mental illness such as schizophrenia, major depressive disorder or bipolar, whom do you tell about it?

The fewer people who know, the better, I say. The people who know that I have schizophrenia are my family, or support system and a few colleagues at work. Don't get the wrong idea, though. It is very important to reach out when you need help. Just remember to reach out to the "right" people. Your psychiatrist can be someone whom you reach out to with issues if they reach a stage of crisis (or if you just need a medication adjustment). I reach out to my family in times where I need to "talk myself down from the ledge," as my mother calls it.

What do I mean by talking yourself down from the ledge? Well, sometimes, as people with mental illness, we get very sensitive to our damaging thoughts and emotions that go through our head. At this point, we need to reach out to someone in our support system, like a close friend or family member, to get help.

Well, what if you do not have a support system? Then it is very important that you acquire an emergency number of a counselor, psychiatrist, or a member of a support group that you attend meetings with (such as schizophrenics anonymous). This person should act as a catalyst for your recovery.

I'm Feeling Better, What Now?

The #1 reason why people are non-compliant with their medication in schizophrenia is because they are "feeling better"--so why take the medication anymore? Because the medication is most likely the reason that you are feeling better in the first place! I urge those with schizophrenia not to go off of their medication unless it is part of their treatment regime under the care of a psychiatrist.

Another important fact to note is that "neuroleptics (or anti-psychotics) are among the safest drugs in the industry." This quote is taken from, what I refer to as the schizophrenic's bible, Surviving Schizophrenia by Torre. The book is a compendium of information compiled to help those suffering from the disease, those caring for those with the disease and all other interested parties.

So, my point is, do not go off medication because you are feeling better. These medications are safe--and your psychiatrist would not have perscribed them to you if the side effects of the medication weren't far out-weighed by the benefits of taking them.

A Smoker Myself, I must admit...

Well, I fall into the statistical model that I layed out below, I am a smoker. Having said that, I do not drink except once in a while, and do not abuse street drugs. Now I know that smoking is the leading cause of preventable death in the U.S. but I do it anyway.

It is probably because I have a problem with how much dopamine (an essential brain chemical) is floating around in my brain. Smoking, and other drugs, have an effect on how much dopamine is in the brain.

More to come soon, stay tuned.

Addictions and Suicide

Allright folks, time for some cold, hard, statistics.

1.1% of the population in the United States has schizophrenia

10% of those with schizophrenia will ultimately commit suicide

70-80% of those with schizophrenia smoke cigarettes heavily

Those are the facts, now let me discect them a little bit.

In the United States, approximately 3 million people suffer from schizophrenia, that's approx 1.1% of America's population over the age of 15. That pales in comparison to the 19-22% of Americans that suffer from depression, however, on the whole, schizophrenia has a worse prognosis. Aproximately 95% of all American families have someone affected with mental illness in thier immediate family. Schizophrenia alone cost approximately $40 Billion PER YEAR. That comes out of the health care system, Social Security Costs, and many other hidden costs.

If you don't believe me that mental illness is real, then consider that in the U.S. population, approximately .8% of people commit suicide. Among people with mental illness, the figure is around 8-11% nation wide. Consider that among the US population, 23% of people smoke cigarettes, but read above to see the stat of how many with schizophrenia smoke. It's real all right.

Just as Diabetes is a Sugar and Chemical Problem...

Could a chemical imbalance cause Diabetes AND Schizophrenia? The answer is a resounding, YES! Just as someone with Diabetes must monitor closely their blood sugar and sugar intake with shots of insulin, a schizophrenic must monitor their chemical imbalance of their brain with medication, sleep and good mental care.

What do I mean by "mental care?" I mean that just as a diabetic must stay away from doughnuts in their diet, a person with schizophrenia must watch out for the stimuli that they take into their minds. They must, also, manage how much stress that their daily activity causes them, their sleep patterns, and stick to their perscribed medication (perscribed by a psychiatrist). And what do I mean by the stimuli that one takes in? Just that, movies, books, and any other media be calm and non-disturbing. For a "normal" person to watch a disturbing horror movie affects the mind, to a person with an already altered sense of reality, it can be especially problematic--leading to psychotic episodes, in extreme cases.

Another very important aspect to mental care is choosing the person who is going to be your 30-mintues-per-month confidant. What I mean is, for anyone who is going through mental illness, it is important to find a psychiatrist (pdoc) that is caring above all, and who is really going to be on your side. In my experience with my pdoc, Dr. Harish Malhotra, he is someone that I actually interviewed to qualify him for the job of taking me into his care. He, himself, is a caring professional who is in my corner. When interviewing a pdoc (and I will get into those people, such as Tom Cruise from the Scientology "religion" who you should not only not listen to, but stand up against), it is important to ask the right questions. These questions are as follows:

How long have you been a practicing psychiatrist?

What experience do you have with schizophrenic patients (bipolar, major depressive as needed)?

Do you treat your patients with the respect to being a team with them in their treatment?

ETC.

Then, after you have made up your mind to see someone in the psychiatry field, check out their prices (if you do not have insurance), and then make a commitment to be a good patient. By being a good patient, I mean you must do some things for yourself--such as taking your medication as perscribed (if you cannot manage to take them yourself, find a parent, sibling, or someone to manage them for you so that you may take them as perscribed by your pdoc), monitor your sleep patterns, and do NOT self-medicate. What do I mean by self-medication? Well, some people with mental illness take it upon themselves to drink alchohol, smoke cannibus, or otherwise abuse street drugs to, what I call, self-medicate or use these chemicals to make themselves feel better. Do not, I repeat, do not do this. This will only make you feel worse in the long term and it counteracts all good judgement on the issue.