Interesting NAMI Blog Repost--Connee's Story

The Times My Anxiety Owns Me By Connee Here I am at 59. I have had a successful career in marketing and advertising, served on boards, and been a valuable volunteer for ending the stigma of mental illness. People look to me for advice and strength. I even own a firm to provide workshops about the mentally ill and teach communication techniques to law enforcement and other key groups. One Sherriff said to me “We need to stop shooting the mentally ill”. So, who knows, I may have helped save a life or two. But there are days and parts of days where my anxiety and panic owns me. It owns my physical well-being and my mind. I simply cannot shake it – no matter how many “coping mechanisms” I try. It is a living hell. The worst times for me are mornings. That is why I have to have a strong purpose to get out of bed and even then it is a battle I don’t always win. The anxiety starts upon awakening. No time to do self-talk….just anxiety or panic zero to sixty in 2 seconds. It starts with worrying…ruminating over concerns that may or may not be relevant. I bounce from money worries, to loss of sanity, to being a bad mother, to when will this feeling end and then to abject fear of life. The anxiety can quickly become a full blown panic attack. Panic is different from anxiety – I describe it as anxiety on steroids. My heart races, my mind races, irrational thoughts become more intense and with it comes a “no way out” mode. The panic attacks then own me and thoughts of suicide enter my mind. At that moment, I can’t for the life of me, think of a Plan B. I always feel like a failure when this happens. And then that dark cloud of self loathing hangs over me until bedtime. Thankfully our bodies can only handle so much adrenaline at a time so that panic can’t physically stay much longer than 45 minutes. Why do I experience anxiety and panic? There is a relatively new view of mental illness or disorder. It is called Trauma Informed Care. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with you?” the question is “What happened to you?” That is the question most of us can answer – it’s open and not judgmental. What happened to me? There are too many explanations for this length of story. But I can tell you my anxiety started at eight when I lost my grandfather. For four weeks I could not catch my breath or leave home. At age twelve I was molested by my stepfather and lost all trust in my mother. At age twenty one I became an over achiever and workaholic. I also drank to self-medicate which brought on depression. At age thirty one I married the man of my dreams. At age 44 he was killed in a car accident – leaving me with two children ages 4 and 8 with special needs, PTSD and no time to grieve. And at age 45 I experienced my first stay in a psychiatric unit. My trauma is no more painful than most people we pass by every day but I did not know that for the longest time. In fact my jaw drops when I hear others traumatic experiences. My saving grace has been “outing” my mental illness so we can talk to each other – an amazing step toward mental health. I may always live with anxiety and panic but I do hope it lessens and that I can take the reins one day. I don’t like to be owned – who does?

Adjustment

Today, I was sitting with a colleague and we were discussing Schizoaffective Disorder and the many problems it entails for the sufferer. Educated at Harvard, the fellow stated that it must be difficult to stay "normalized." I just told him that just like someone with diabetes has to take insulin and take care of their disorder, so does a person afflicted with Mental Illness needs to rest, take some anti-psychotic medication, and just all around have some adjustment to their day.

The unfortunate dreams of a highly imaginative, slighly mentally jaded individual

Dream I had last night. I had a dream that myself and a bunch of friends were using a sniper rifle for target practice at ultra high range in North Carolina. I had the gun, and the guys and I decided that I was a bad shot and that I couldn't take a risky shot since I had lousy aim. Anyway, long story short, I ended up firing, and seeing through my scope that there was a possibility of, hitting my newest brother-in-law Nick with the shot. My 'friends,' (none of whom i recognize) egged me on about it until I fired the rifle and saw through the scope that I had indeed struck Nick. When I inquired with my friends, they thought that I had hit him in the cheek and that he was ok, it was just a grazing shot. Delirious and mortified in my dream, I ran to Nick's aid. When I got to his side, he wasn't crying, nor was he down, but a giant shotgun shell was wedged grotesquely in his cheek and I insisted that I take him to the hospital. I remember hearing my sister scream, ask me what I was thinking, curse me out repeatedly, and on our ride to the hospital, I found mercy and awoke from my horrific nightmare. This and many other creepy nightmares, are all but a regular for someone with such a strong imagination as me, and is exacerbated I'm sure, by my mental illness.

MSSB Cares

And maybe they do--but they have a funny way of showing it if so.  For a guy like me--when I need help or support there is still a great deal of stigma and discrimination for those with mental illness. 

Oh, by the way.....

Did I mention that I am now headed to Las Vegas in June for my best friend's bachelor party? WOW, it's going to be crazy. But, I mean, your best friend only gets married once so I figure you also only live once, so I need to be there in any case. I know that I have two children to think about and a wonderful wife who loves me, but I am just going for it this time. I could always take care of myself and this is for old times--I'm talking high school old times. After all, 50% of the guys that are going to this bachelor party are from my high school and I'm going to be reconnecting, along with the groom, with them along the way in Sin City.

Sandy Hook NAMI Blog Repost

Thursday, February 21, 2013 Another Look at Sandy Hook By Julie Benn, NAMI San Diego As yet another violent massacre occurs in our country—this one involving children, so it makes it all the harder to take—I pause to think about it, as I have done so often since the news broke on Dec. 14, 2012. During the chaos, ABC had on a senior medical correspondent, who was an M.D., stating that the tragedy and the gunman was “the face of mental illness.” I immediately took offense. Really? We knew virtually nothing about the shooter at the time, let alone whether or not he had a diagnosed mental illness. Yet, here was the media, already branding him the face of a disease that affects 57.7 million people in our country alone. That's a lot of “faces” that he is supposedly representing. It may come out, as the news continues to unfold, that mental illness did a play a role. Right now, we just don't know. As an organization, we are putting out the statistics to fight the stigma that will no doubt be a backlash from this tragedy—that people who have mental illness are much more likely to be the victim of violence rather than the perpetrator; that the overall contribution of mental disorders to the total level of violence in society is exceptionally small; and that it is important that we not make assumptions or speculate as to what the role of mental illness played in this situation at this time. However, it's hard for us as a society not to speculate, not to make assumptions as to the sanity of a person who would willingly shoot his own mother and then go into a school and shoot kids and the adults trying to protect them. It's hard for us not to jump to the conclusion that this was a “crazed gunman” who, at the end, took his own life. NAMI says that mental illness is an illness like any other. Just as diabetes is a disorder of the pancreas, mental illness is a disorder of the brain. However, right now, I find myself questioning that. Is mental illness truly “an illness like any other?” Does diabetes make a person want to harm themselves or others? Does high blood pressure distort messages in the mind and make a person feel that they are called to kill? Does cancer create voices that drive a person to crime? Or, is this type of behavior unique to mental illness? Is mental illness, rather, “an illness like none other?” And should it be treated as such? Maybe it is, indeed, a very special illness that requires very special treatment. One that requires early prevention and intervention and that treatment should be wholly available to anyone who needs it. I have mental illness. I have not killed myself or anyone else, but I have caused harm. Not criminal harm, but harm nonetheless in the form of self-abuse and, at times, adversely affecting those who love me. At times, I have been very upfront in sharing my journey with mental illness. Other times, in certain circles of people, I have pretended that portion of my journey just doesn't exist. Maybe that needs to change. If any good can come out of the Newtown tragedy, it may be that mental health will be front and center on the nation's agenda. Treating mental illness, talking about mental illness, confronting issues that affect mental health will take as much precedence as treating and talking about other physical health disorders. But, in order for that to happen, mental illness needs to come out of the closet, out of the darkness, out of the impenetrable silence. We need to be able to simply talk about it in our country, in our state, our neighborhoods, and our families. The President has now called for a national dialogue on mental illness, which is supposed to be launched this spring. His proposal includes: Early identification and intervention including training for teachers, school resource officers and others in a position to spot the signs of mental illness and provide assistance. Steps for improving mental health and substance abuse treatment for individuals between the ages of 16 and 25. Finalizing mental health parity regulations for health insurance. Training more than 5,000 additional mental health professionals to serve students and young adults. Launching efforts to improve understanding of mental illness and the importance of mental health treatment. These are all wonderful intentions; the test will be whether the President, Congress and state governments follow through. For if mental health is not talked about, the downside of it is that the problems don't go away. Rather they can go underground, growing and festering until they come out the other side as something unrecognizable, unfathomable, and yes, tragic. The good news is that we know mental illness is treatable—in that way it is an illness like many others. We can't cure it yet, but living in recovery is possible. Remission is possible; as is relapse. It requires close monitoring and support, and often medications and counseling. Like Type 1 diabetes, dealing with mental illness is a lifelong process. Unlike diabetes, mental illness can cause some odd beliefs and behavior, but it is still manageable; tricky, sometimes, but ultimately treatable. And this is where the conversation should be headed. Posted by Contributors: at 4:51 PM 15 comments: Labels: Barack Obama, Newtown, Now is the Time, Sandy Hook Elementary School

NAMI Blog Repost

My Experience So Far as a NAMI Family Support Group Facilitator By Marjorie Antus, NAMI Prince William (Va.) The remarkable thing about the NAMI Family Support Group is how relaxed it is. My sense of peace during the sessions probably stems from having attended only three sessions to date as a co-facilitator and, thus, from not having experienced the outbreak of raw emotion that likely occurs from time to time. But I also credit Jeri Weeks, the lead facilitator, for the relaxed environment. She welcomes everyone, laughs a great deal, and encourages openness with forthright stories of her own life as mother of a man with schizophrenia. In the bereavement support groups I once facilitated, in the NAMI Family Support Group, and also in the NAMI Family-to-Family class I currently attend, I have never failed to see a wonderful dynamic unfold. Many participants seem not to want to walk through the door on the evening of the first session; I among them. That’s obvious from the worried looks. By the third week, however, many come through the meeting room door smiling. It’s almost like clockwork, the camaraderie that takes hold over two weeks. One of the most striking aspects of the support groups overall is, I think, humor. I expected and have seen tearfulness. I expected and have seen fear, frustration and sadness. What I didn’t expect was genuine laughter—a kind of delight—coming from people who are living with mystifying family relationships over which they sometimes have little control. That was a revelation to me. There are two reasons for my becoming a NAMI Family Support Group facilitator. The first is that my teenage daughter died by suicide in 1995. My need to talk about my daughter and her death was immense at the time, but almost no one was capable of sitting with me through the intensity. A support group would have been a safe place to be heard, so that is what I try to provide others as facilitator: a safe place to be heard. The second reason is that I have a grown son with schizoaffective disorder who is living with my husband and me in a stable and good way. It is mostly concern for John Paul’s future that motivates me to help build the NAMI community. Posted by Contributors: at 10:41 AM 6 comments: Labels: education, family-to-family, hope, NAMI Family Support Group, personal story Tuesday, February 26, 2013 Connecting with Others By Emma Volesky Emma Volesky. Photo: Courtesy I attended the NAMI National Convention for the first time last year. When I first heard about the convention, I knew at once I had to go. Not only did I want to go, I needed to go. Just the idea of going made me excited. Now, having experienced the convention firsthand, I can say that it is a hundred times better than I could have ever imagined. The awesome presentations I attended, the brave people I heard speaking and the helpful coping skills I learned made the convention a very worthwhile trip for me. But most of all, the memories and friendships I got to take home with me made the convention even more meaningful to me. One of the most wonderful things I experienced while at the convention was meeting people who understood what I have been through. For years and years, I isolated myself from the world. I felt worthless, sickening and inadequate and everything else someone living with a mental health condition can feel. These kinds of thoughts had me believing that I was every one of those things, which ultimately led me to the worst belief of all: that I was alone. I was alone. This belief pulled me down into a pit of misery. I got pulled deeper and deeper every second I felt alone. Even though I was in recovery when I first heard about the convention, I still felt like there was a big chance that the convention could help me feel even better and it did! I got to meet other young adults like me at the young adult networking session during convention. We talked about the issues most important to us and had fun the rest of the convention together. I now know without a doubt that I am never alone. Also at the convention, I became aware of all the new opportunities at NAMI that exist for young adults and that can help me change the world. I had been speaking about my mental illness since I was 17 years old, but now I speak with even more intelligence because of everything I learned attending workshops during the convention. Everyone impacted by mental health conditions should go to NAMI’s conventions. There are a lot of reasons they should go that range far and wide. For me, the biggest reason is that I learned I am making a big difference in my life and in the lives of others just by attending the convention. The convention empowers people to be themselves without their mental health condition keeping them back. Being at the convention showed me that there is hope. There still is the stigma of mental illness but it can be defeated by something as simple as attending conventions held by NAMI. This is a humungous step toward fighting stigma in my opinion. All in all, the NAMI National Convention last year impacted me in a very good way more than anything has before. It gave me confidence to go further in my life! I can't wait for the 2013 convention to see my friends and to learn more about how I can be an effective young adult leader. I hope to see even more young adults and adults there this summer. And a few last words: 2013 NAMI NATIONAL CONVENTION HERE I COME!!!!! NAMI is excited to announce that the 2013 NAMI National Convention will include the first ever young adult track. This track will equip young adults with the skills they need to make a difference in their communities, in the lives of their friends and in their own lives. It will include powerful workshops and special sessions, social events, creative activities and a unique skill-building leadership training specifically for young adults. To learn more about this opportunity for young adults, click here.