Rushing Thoughts Yet To Subside

6/30/10 11:34am





I try all the time, and push myself to be the best man that I can be. I think that I am a good father and husband to Heather and Tyler. Now that we are having another child, I feel like I am shot out of a cannon. Spring and summer seem to be the bane of my existence. Usually in the Spring and Summer, I must admit, I feel more manic, psychotic and disturbing thoughts that shoot through my brain like a razor wire moving at the speed of light. I cannot ever, when I feel manic, turn my brain on silent. Sorry, Shea's thoughts are not available right now, but if you leave a message at the tone, he'll be sure to consider getting back to you when he gets back into the office. But no, I do not have the luxury, nor the extra money to take any time off work, home or life in general. Nay, I must suffer through the worst of it, with the very stimuli that cause my rushing thoughts all around me all the time.



6/30/10 4:54 PM



And now, just as quickly as the hastening thoughts had arisen, they calm down, as if to say, as you wish, for now. I know that as uncomfortable as these thoughts are, as a quickly approaching thunder storm in the middle of July, they pass and a calm sets in. This period, though I know is temporary, comes on and is marked by low thought volume in my mind and flat emotions. Whereas when I am feeling at the height of my mania, I could never take a nap, during these periods of calm, I feel I must, at times, take a few winks.